Paying Homage to Self-Care

Having followed your Self Care series for the last few weeks, I had an experience recently which gave me reason to reconsider an aspect of self care.  It feels like self care ought to be something that  feels good, but from my earlier comment - healthy eating and activity are not always perceived as good - even though they are good for me.  I have also realised today that a similar situation exists in my relationship with money.  I delay keeping my accounts up to date out of fear that I'll find that I've messed up and won't have enough left in the bank.  Facing that fear (which is not pleasant!) and keeping track of my account means that I ensure that I know where I stand financially and saves me anxiety in the long term.  So in this context, fighting through my fear is a form of self care.  This is a new perspective for me - I was quite enjoying the idea that I should spend more time taking bubble baths and listening to lovely music!!!  Thank you for this series - following it and exploring the issues raised has, in it's own way been a form of self care for me!

A very good starting place! For me it boils down to this...Every time I say yes to someone or something, what am I saying no to? There's always a corresponding no which most often is to myself and over time that has too great a cost. 

I looked at your question (1) the opposite way around and considered how I spend my time and money to see what I am committed to - and it shocked me!  I spend my money on 'stuff' and food (both from the supermarket  and eating out) to make me feel better and I spend a great deal of my time surfing the net to try and find who/what I am and how I can discover this  person.  Basically I hide behind things, food and my lap-top because I don't like who I am and don't believe that I deserve self care.  Experience as a child taught me that looking after my diet and being active was an act of punishment rather than self love, yet I try to be careful about how I feed my husband and daughter - but not myself.  So in answer to part 2 of question 2, I guess I can start by looking at my diet and where I might make changes - but also looking at how I change my belief that a good diet and activity is a negative thing.  Thank you for stimulating this thought!

I think fatigue gets in the way of self care, even though self care combats fatigue. When my energy is low it's really easy to do "self care" by playing a computer game (which doesn't really help) instead of getting up to do a workout or even stretch. My first step is recognizing when I'm in that mind set and forcing myself to get up - even if it's just to walk to the end of the hall and back - I always feel better once I get a little active and switch gears for a little while.

Edward Stanley, the earl of Derby, wrote in 1873: “Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness." I've been on a renewed 'love myself; love my body' mindset for a few months now and I can't even begin to express the calm, peaceful centeredness that has been gifted in return!  So happy to join your voice in placing focus on our sacred shells which house our souls so that we can be walking congruently and sitting tall and breathing deeply the richness of life from the inside all the way to our outsides!  A sweet life!

I don't think humans are really wired to put themselves first, particularly women. We would have become extinct long ago if we did. :) That's why it's so critical to get Support when you're working on self-care. We won't do it very long for ourselves, but if it serves others, we're much more likely to follow through. Thanks, Sandi, for issuing this challenge so that we can all support each other!

Sarah, I can so relate to your comment. Even though I work with many clients on the issue of self-care, it's still my greatest challenge. It's an area where knowing makes no difference, as you so rightly said. It helped me to consider the three aspects - mind, body, spirit - and rate myself so I could begin to focus on the part of the system most in need of attention. I look forward to what this month will open up for us! 

Thanks @SandiAmorim to remind me to take time for myself, set boundaries, relax and unwind so I can be renewed and ready for what's next.

Hi, San,  What "gets in the way" of my self-care is allowing myself to lose focus, getting distracted from the focus (of moi!). When I am well with myself, everyone around me gets to appreciate that... I am more effective and efficient at my jobs and roles. I am also more relaxed, less high-strung, and way more fun. Now, this is a work in progress/process for me. I do often forget and get distracted. When working, I "chunk" my work by task or time (i.e. finish this part, get up and take a break or about an hour). For myself, I am good for little after that and need a movement break. When on the computer, I also try to change poses - I will work at the table, then on the couch with a cushion, then sometimes even at my desk!  This prevents total body breakdown. In the break times, I will foten also try to schedule in completely different tasks with a sensory component (go outside with the trash for fresh air and a walk, cook or bake, wash dishes, ...). TTFN Lis

P.S.  I wanted to comment on how I'm showing my commitment to self care -- a kind of public patting myself on the back that is another great way to combat my perfectionistic/critical tendencies.  One commitment I make is working with two coaches (Sandi is one of them) every week.  I can't think of a better way to take care of myself on all levels than that.  The second commitment I have just made is to 6 weeks, twice a week, of aquafit classes.  They are expensive and half an hour away and come right in the middle of the afternoon, which is very inconvenient.  And I'm doing them anyway.  When they are over, I will join the local Y (only 5 minutes away, cheaper, more scheduling choice).  One thing I need to get honest with myself about is this.  I am not yet at the stage where I can make exercise appts with myself and keep them.  I need the structure, discipline, and accountability of a scheduled class for which I have to pay.  And that's okay for now.  It takes what it takes.  

Self care -- what I have been focusing on and struggling with for what seems forever.  Sandi, I'm so glad you are making it the focus for the month of October.  October also happens to be Breast Cancer Awareness month -- I think there might be a connection there.  I know I didn't really get serious about self care until I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  What gets in the way of my self care?  My perfectionism and trying to make too many changes at once.  I think the two are very much related.  Small, imperfect changes made in an imperfectly consistent way will still get the job done. My first step to combat this saboteur?  Getting quiet first thing every morning and asking for Divine help.  My second step -- keeping a running list of my self care successes, big and small.  This keeps me positive and empowering myself instead of negative and criticizing myself.

Great idea!  I'm actually quite focused on self-care, but it took a body rebellion to get there.  Now, I'm quite happy with what I do each day for my self.  Yeah!  It's possible.

I'm curious Lynn, what does it cost you to break those dates with yourself? I mean, what's the impact on you? 

I'm so here with you all month! Love the topic and feeling connected to it! Let the journey begin

The biggest thing that gets in the way of my self-care is a short-term view. I think about what feels best in the moment rather than in the long term. There are two main areas where I fall down in my self-care: overeating and undersleeping. I'm really trying to improve in the sleep department, so my first step is to stay away from the computer after I put my son to bed (I tend to get hypnotized by it and keep saying, "One more thing...") To do that, I probably need to have a plan about what I'm going to do instead, like reading or writing in my journal. To change one habit, you have to replace it with another, right? So I need to decide what the new habit will be.