Wisdom and fireworks from the fabulous Nikki Groom!
“Wouldn’t it be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. The deeper you love yourself, the more the universe will affirm your worth. Then you can enjoy a lifelong love affair that brings you the richest fulfillment from inside out.” — Alan Cohen
I try to bury the memory of my first-ever relationship. Implosively sparking with obsessive affection, I was flattered at first, then unhappy always — lacking the magnanimity to walk, coerced into staying. He was fiercely manipulative and compulsively deceptive. “I love you” on my part was a reflexive response, an empty phrase, a buffer from the truth.
He would never hit me, but when we fought (often) and I tried to walk away, he would bind my arms to my sides and wrestle me into submission. I had to move an hour away to university before I summoned enough mettle to end things over the phone. And, after that, I had to endure impromptu daily calls until I told him “No more.”
My family and friends were relieved — without exception. Their smoldering discontent had been the backdrop to our entire
relationship. I suppose they thought I needed to get him out of my system. It was harder to get him out of my life. He’d call
indiscriminately, months (sometimes years) later — even the day before his wedding to someone else.
Back then I accepted his attentions because I thought his brand of misplaced affection was all I deserved. I battled with debilitating insecurity throughout my teens until college forced me into social situations I had no choice but to navigate. Even then, I constantly settled — allowing men with visceral egos to treat me badly, as though that was par for the course.
When I think back to those days, my heart cries out for the girl I once was. So broken — wildly floundering around for meaning, blind to how beautiful and whip-smart she was. I didn’t understand that I could choose more for myself, that I deserved better.
I didn’t recognize the universe’s inherent karmic nature — and that it reflected back to me every negative thought that I allowed to fester.
I didn’t practice soul-centered self-love because I didn’t think I was loveable in the first place. I didn’t believe that I was in charge of my own happiness. And I thought that true, fulfilling love had to come from someone else instead of from within ME.
I was obsessed with trying to discover myself — but I hadn’t realized yet that I didn’t have to search. Instead, I just had to BE. I was enough — just as I was.
Radical self-adoration is raw, real, and righteous. It liberates and strengthens us from the inside out and makes us more whole,
creative, and joyful.
When you begin opening your mind to the vibrant possibility of adoring yourself completely, without exception, without judgment — just pure self-compassion — life shifts on its axis and divine abundance becomes a daily reality.
You become closed off to those people and activities that drain your energy and instead cradle those that bring you boundless joy.
Can I get a hell yey-ah?
3 ways to actively adore yourself ::
1. Let it go
Let go of whatever or whoever is perpetually sapping your spirit. Let go of the stories and negative thoughts you’ve been hanging onto when they do nothing to serve you. Let go of fear. Let go of your defenses. Let go of the relationships that undermine you. Let go of the people who cause you to doubt yourself. Whatever “it” is — let it go.
2. Spend some time with you — and only you
Clear your schedule, clear a weekend — make it a point to enjoy your own company. Take a silent retreat. Read THAT book. Write the poem that’s been bubbling up inside of you. Hike. Relax. Recharge. Write. Breathe.
3. Treat yourself
Only you can decide what treating yourself encompasses. This doesn’t have to be lavish or expensive or decadent. It could be
slathering your body with a sumptuous, golden-hued moisturizer, or getting a pedicure. Maybe it’s cooking that delicious recipe you wanted to try, and eating it for two days straight — just you, no sharing.
Tell me, how do you actively adore yourself?
Or . . . how do you plan on actively adoring yourself MORE?
Nikki Groom is an audacious Brit who moved her entire existence over the ocean in three small suitcases four short years ago. She’s a digital scribe and sentence seductress for women entrepreneurs on the brink of extraordinary and has been touted as “THE Copywriting Artist to watch.” She has also been hailed as a force of nature and a rising superstar. She believes that writing is an art and a gift and an honor — and she’ll beat you in a dance-off.