People keep asking me if I’m freaked out about turning 50 this year. I’m not really, although perhaps a wee bit surprised by some of the thoughts going through my mind.

I mean, turning 50 really is the mother of all wake-up calls!

And I’ve caught myself thinking about all the things I still want to be, do and have in my life.

All the things I want to create and share.

All the ways I want to open further, deeper, more fully.

All the hugs still to give, kisses to be savoured, and well. . .you get the point.

Those are the things I’m putting my attention on as I begin living my fiftieth year.

Not the 50 lessons I may or may not have learned.

Not 50 tips to look and feel good at 50 (although all this juicing and healthy living looks good on me!)

No tips, lessons, or strategies.

Instead, I’m choosing to open.

Because we do have a choice; to open or to close ourselves off.

One is energizing and risky. The other is tight, and oh so painfully safe.

I get to choose. And so do you.

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I had a dream last night.

And in that dream a wise woman I’ve long admired was at a sleep-over in my home.

Pajamas, soul-satisfying conversations and laughter all present and accounted for.

It was the most perfect of nights, until that moment I asked the question closest to my heart.

She closed her eyes, deep in thought. . .then plumped up her pillow and pinned me with a look.

“You’ll figure it out. Trust yourself.”

And with that profound statement, she turned over and fell fast asleep.

I awoke with a start; the clock blinked 4:14 a.m.

On the fourteenth day of the fourth month 2013 I will turn 50 years old.

My wise woman is right.

I can trust myself.

And so can you.

A mala is used in many religious traditions to count the repetitions of prayers or devotions, and often consists of 108 beads. Choosing one is a very personal experience, and not always easy – at least it wasn’t for me, as I didn’t find the mala that ‘fit’ me until the third try.

It’s worth the search though because when you do find the right one, it becomes a physical reminder of the power of awareness.

Every year at this time I review my journals, I complete the year and make space for what’s next. This year, 2012, has been a year of challenge, opportunity and deepening; more than I thought possible.

As I reviewed, it occurred to me as a mala, 108 insights or  moments of mindfulness that have had a profound impact on my life.

I share it with the hope that some of these thoughts also make a difference for you.

1.   Silence is the best antidote to the busyness of life. New thoughts emerge effortlessly in this sacred space.

2.   Imagine living as if wherever you are is holy ground.

3.   When the muse wakes you up at 3am, pay attention.

4.   Feeling hunger is a good thing. It reminds us that we’re alive.

5.   Freedom from responsibility is not the solution. Choosing your responsibilities mindfully is.

6.   It’s ok to want what you want. Stop making your wants wrong.

7.   Get clear on your non-negotiables. It’s highly likely they’re related to your values.

8.   Question everything. Believe only that which feels good.

9.   You have a gift that is uniquely yours. How are you offering it?

10.  That slow burn in your belly will not fade away. Nurture it.

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Years ago I heard of the Hero’s Journey, and I was hooked. Then more recently, I discovered a feminine version, the Shero’s Journey.  I was particularily drawn to Jen Louden’s perspective which invites us to consider an inner adventure.

You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else’s path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.

- Joseph Campbell

The feminine aspect comes to mind as I begin the 28 days of Reset.Revive.Restart. - a vibrant community of women stepping onto the path together.

So many of us on the same journey, yet struggling alone.

Right now, think of your own journey, and consider the following questions. I’ll do the same.

Where are you on the journey? 

Look at the diagram above and locate yourself.

You’ll probably see where you are clearly. I know I did. I’ve been in the Pit for the past few months, grappling with my Gremlins. It’s not been pleasant.

What will move you to the next phase on your journey?

I was beginning to wonder. Journalling, meditating, 5 days of silence, yoga, coaching. . .and still, I found myself in the Pit.

What moved me forward was letting go. I stopped resisting the changes that were trying to come through, and suddenly, the flood gates seemed to open and I found myself in the flow moving out of the Pit, reconnecting with Allies and moving towards a Breakthrough.

What stops you from doing that?

What stops me from letting go is my stubbornness and determination to get through anything. Determination is a good thing unless it keeps you spinning in a vicious circle. And let me tell you, going round and round with my Gremlins was not fun.

What beliefs, habits or patterns do you need to let go of?

I have to give up my longtime habit of doing things on my own, and resisting asking for help. The irony of this is not lost on me given the work I do encouraging clients to get support in life.

I did mention this is a journey, right?

What next step will you commit to?

I am committed to going through the 28 days as a participant. It’d be easy to hide out in my role as partner/creator.

But you see, that’s impossible now as I’ve already fallen in love with the women in the program. I owe it to myself and to them to walk this journey as wholeheartedly as possible.

The Breakthrough has already begun. . .

Over to You:

Answer the questions above, tell me a bit about your journey.

Join us if you’re tired of walking the journey alone.

In April 2011 I shared a force of nature known as Lola. That one post became a series where women shared their own experiences of Lola throughout the month. Included in that series was a guest post from Alycia Neighbours, an extraordinary woman who rediscovered her Lola in time to face the unexpected events to come. This week she launched Deciding to Dance, her story of the emptiness loss can bring but also the rise of unquestionable strength. 

In the beginning there were two doves.

They took up residence in a tree right outside my kitchen window in the house that I shared with Dan. We joked in the beginning about those two doves symbolizing our marriage. They were always together.

As our marriage spiraled out of control driven by his mental illness, we quit talking about the doves. They were always together right outside my window though and became a visual reminder of what I was losing.

Even after years and years of domestic violence, those two doves remained. Together.

We moved several times and I always hoped we would finally find a “happy home.” It never was, and even after our daughters were born, it was lost forever. Yet in each home, there was always a pair of doves residing nearby.

I began to hate doves.

Then one day I met Lola and I forgot all about what the pair of doves symbolized as I walked out. I found my moment of strength and decided to rebuild my nest for my children.

Months of horrific moments passed as I awaited the divorce and then his suicide.

Lost, I felt like I was spiraling into the worst nightmare.

Every time I walked past a mirror, I looked.

I held the gaze of a broken with guilt woman looking back and challenged her to “make it count.”

I had been given the rare opportunity through a series of painful events to choose to live again and so I challenged myself to make it count.

So everyday, I issued the challenge.

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I started reading and following today’s contributor a short couple of months ago. The guy caught my attention and I have to admit I’ve been kind of mesmerized ever since (is that a ninja trick?) I’m delighted to have the 30 Year Old Ninja here sharing his passion, and when you read his thoughts on someday, you’ll understand why he’s here! 

If I Can Quit My Job To Become A Ninja, Why Can’t You Change Your Life?  

“I hate this job”

“How did I get here?”

“What did I do wrong?”

“I just want to be happy”

These are the thoughts that overburdened my mind not too long ago.

I was unhappy, burnt out, filled with anxiety, depressed. . .all the labels you don’t want to be.

Of course, the outside world didn’t know this. They thought I was ambitious, moving up the ladder, successful, “making things happen”.

They were wrong.

Isn’t there more to life than this?

Over the course of 3 years I developed and followed through on a plan that many people said “is not possible”.

The Joke

It started as a joke “If you are no longer going to be a teacher, what do you want to do?” I smiled at my friends question.

“I want to be a ninja!”

We both laughed and the conversation moved forward.

But that darn voice wouldn’t stop. The more I said it, the more I started to believe it.

“I want to be a ninja.”

At some point, I realized. . .it wasn’t a joke.

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What do you do when you realize you’ve been resisting what you’re here for?

Maybe you hide out with busy work. Or stop writing. Or say yes to shiny new projects that are mostly distractions from. . .

what you’re here for.

I get it. I feel your pain. And enough is enough.

That’s what I said to myself recently!

I said, “Self, it’s time to stop resisting. It’s time to remember your intention. It’s time to get on with owning your awesome!” 

My Self quivered at this vociferous demand, challenged to find the words to share what’s been going on.

Because you know, I wanted to find the RIGHT words. Which is just another way of holding myself back and waiting for my own. . .wait for it. . .someday.

Yes, I know I’m on a mission to obliterate someday thinking from the face of the earth.

Gah. I hate outing myself.

But apparently Self needed a public bitch slap, which is why I’m about to tell this tale.

Let’s go back to the beginning, for sharing the details of how it’s been is always better than waiting for the perfect words someday.

Once upon a time there was a wildly enthusiastic woman with a passion for helping others. She did what she had to do to become skilful in her chosen profession, she launched her business with zeal, and she hustled.

She hustled because she loved her work. She fell in love with her perfect people; they lit her up with their enthusiasm and commitment to living life fully.

Then one day something changed, although she had no idea at first what it was.

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I believe peace comes from within. Looking outside yourself is the booby prize; there’s no fulfillment there.

I believe it’s ok to slow down. Sometimes it’s the only thing that makes a difference.

I believe in connecting with like-minded souls. They nourish me in ways unexpected.

I believe inspiration can only take you so far. You’ve gotta dig deep to take the right actions that will make a difference.

I believe laughter is the best balm to our wounds. Lighten up, the world is funny and so are you.

I believe we’re all doing the best we can. And. . .we can be and do better than that when we stop, breathe and respond. Reaction is exhausting.

I believe we each have our own unique genius. Your only job in life is to deliver that; the rest is distraction.

I believe fear is a great motivator. If you’re not afraid, it’s probably not your thing so let it go.

I believe it’s good to share and express our humanity. We’ll never get it all handled, stop pretending and embrace real.

I believe in declaration. Say what you want, say what you’ll do and say it loud so others hear and hold you to it. This should scare the pants off you.

I believe in love. . .even when it’s hard, you’re afraid, and you want nothing more than to run away. What would love do now is the answer.

I believe in living life on my terms. It’s ok that you don’t agree, you’ve got your own terms to live, so live them.

I believe in doing what it takes. Your dreams are worth the effort, so just do the work please.

I believe you get to say. . .how you want your life to go and how you want to feel about that. Don’t squander it or give it away.

I believe it’s good to rest in the unknown. You may not like it, but it’s where ‘what’s next’ is born.

I’m there now, a midwife waiting for the birth.

“One regret, dear world, 

That I am determined not to have 

When I am lying on my deathbed 

Is that I did not kiss you enough.” – Hafiz

If you could know the precise time and place of your death, would you want to know?

How would your life change?

Maybe you’ll think I’ve become obsessed with death, but if you did you’d be wrong. This is about becoming obsessed with the opposite – living life fully.

You see, yesterday I got word that an acquaintance passed away. He was not yet 50.

It was the kind of wake-up call that rattles complacency, and it rattled me more than I expected. I heard the news as a call to go deeper with my commitment to challenge ‘someday thinking’.

I didn’t ask for this path and it’s sure as hell not comfortable; the voice in my head shouting, “Who the hell do you think you are to shake things up?”

Somewhere along the way, without realizing at first, I became a waker.

That’s who I am. And I don’t always like it.

But resistance is futile as you probably know.

A waker, a cage-rattler, a warrior for you to step up and shine. Not much comfort on this path.

I call bullshit on your reasons and excuses. I challenge your status quo. And I rock the boat. . .often.

I will not settle for anything less.

Except when I do.

And it takes a serious reminder like illness and death to remind me of what I’m committed to, and what lights me up each day.

After I heard yesterday’s news, one question kept coming to mind. . .

If you died today what regrets would you have? 

That question went round and round in my mind until I got that’s where the work is – to move away from regrets and towards a life of satisfaction.

Making a difference for ourselves while we can.

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Wisdom and fireworks from the fabulous Nikki Groom! 

“Wouldn’t it be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. The deeper you love yourself, the more the universe will affirm your worth. Then you can enjoy a lifelong love affair that brings you the richest fulfillment from inside out.” — Alan Cohen

I try to bury the memory of my first-ever relationship. Implosively sparking with obsessive affection, I was flattered at first, then unhappy always — lacking the magnanimity to walk, coerced into staying. He was fiercely manipulative and compulsively deceptive. “I love you” on my part was a reflexive response, an empty phrase, a buffer from the truth.

He would never hit me, but when we fought (often) and I tried to walk away, he would bind my arms to my sides and wrestle me into submission. I had to move an hour away to university before I summoned enough mettle to end things over the phone. And, after that, I had to endure impromptu daily calls until I told him “No more.”

My family and friends were relieved — without exception. Their smoldering discontent had been the backdrop to our entire
relationship. I suppose they thought I needed to get him out of my system. It was harder to get him out of my life. He’d call
indiscriminately, months (sometimes years) later — even the day before his wedding to someone else.

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