The Vagabondage Series:  Wherein Elana Baxter hits the road on the next phase of her adventure!

The time has come to tell you of my travels as I move from this space to another on the continued path of living, loving and learning in the most authentic way possible.

I have said this in previous posts, but it bears repeating: coaching has opened up my world in ways I had never imagined.

When my fingers hovered nervously over the keyboard and I finally sent an email to arrange coaching with the diva of Deva Coaching, I was pining for guidance, perspective, and a kick in the pants.

I got all three and more.

I gained a friend and trusted mentor, as well as a welcome place to share the details of clarifying what I want and how to get there. Along the way, there have been tears (lots of’em!), grins, mind-splitting revelation, 180 degree perspective shifts, greasy lizard brain wrestling and – best of all – laughter.

I am so incredibly thankful.

So, what did I learn?

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The Vagabondage Series:  Wherein Elana creates space and lets the holidays in.

If you’re reading this, you made it through the recent Black Friday holiday shopping frenzy. Congratulations. If you participated, you have my admiration for surviving it, and if you didn’t, you have my admiration for choosing not to.

Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, or La Posada, the holidays are a busy stretch of rituals, drunk uncles, symbolism, and festivity. Although, in recent years, the winter holiday season has become less synonymous with its original meaning  and more reminiscent of a feverish 30-day shopping extravaganza. Malls and boutiques are crawling with people and lousy with so-called bargains. Advertising and marketing departments spare no tactics or expense with glitzy, over-the-top commercial and print ads featuring the hottest electronics, cosmetics, fashion, food, and all manner of tchotchkes.

But you know that isn’t what it’s all about, right? (more…)

The Vagabondage Series:  Elana discovers her answers in the here and now.

How many people do you think are out there looking for answers to questions like the following:

Judging by the increased interest in hiring a life coach and/or becoming a coach in the last decade, there are millions of people who are looking for someone to help them figure out how to cultivate, design and ultimately, nab the life they imagine for themselves.

After all, that’s why I hired my coach, Sandi.

And these people who are looking for answers aren’t helpless dummies that can’t think for themselves. In fact, the majority of people who seek out the services of a coach are intelligent and capable people like me with a sincere desire to have their life match their vision of what.

But despite hoping and dreaming, a coach is not a genie ready and waiting to grant your every whim!

No matter how good they are, they simply cannot grant wishes and wisely choose (most of the time) not to provide every answer.

This became clear to me last week when I expressed my angst by faintly whining, ‘I don’t know what to do’ or some variation thereof, during a weekly coaching call.

But the greatest thing happened.

Instead of an answer I got a question.

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The Vagabondage Series:  The interrogation begins with Elana asking the right questions.

Someone really wise once said that every behaviour has a positive intention. In other words, even your so-called bad behaviour has its own secret payoff, otherwise why would you do it?

And it’s true. Even our deeply rooted, dysfunctional behaviours, those ones that evolved as a way to meet our needs, are formed as a response to a desire to fulfill something.

If you’re anything like me and most of the Homo sapiens on the planet, you are likely trying to meet any one of the needs from Maslow’s Hierarchy when choosing a behaviour.

Let’s face it, at the end of the day – whether you’re a Kardashian or a Willy Loman – your actions are motivated by one thing. . .what you need.

And even though your actions materialize in deformed and sometimes backward ways (stale cupcakes anyone?), those misshapen little monsters are incredibly informative.

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The Vagabondage Series:  Elana surrenders to the lure of meditation.

There are millions of articles all over the cyberworld prescribing meditation, yoga, and stillness as a home remedy for the world today, a world in which most of us are plugged in to a technological device most of the day – or, at the very least, subject to relentless streams of information everywhere we go.

And most of us are convinced there is simply no time for any extra endeavours (not true.)

I resisted the idea of meditation for awhile because I couldn’t shake that picture of a giant swami with an unkempt beard perched on a giant cushion ‘Om’ing with his followers that is so synonymous with the 70’s (or is it just me?)

And every time I sat and tried to clear my mind of thoughts, or just notice them as they came up, it simply made things worse.

Yoga is a different story. I’ve always been active, so to me it was a new and effective way to move and connect with my body.

And stillness?

I do this daily during lunchtime walks in the park near my office, stopping at the beach for ten or fifteen minutes to sit on a bench and lose my gaze in the rhythm of the ocean’s current.

But, back to meditation because it is the single most powerful tool I am learning to use, and this week it has come in handier than ever.

Remember that giant bearded swami? He isn’t the biggest obstacle to clearing my mind. It’s my thoughts and feelings.

No surprise, Sandi suggested I go right to the feeling, however yucky, scary, ugly or (un)comfortable it may be.

Fear, anger, despair {vulnerable, judged, lonely, frustrated, helpless, angry, anxious anyone?} – when any of these emotions flood your system the absolute worst thing you can do is try to shove it under the rug. A feeling needs a little time and space to be felt.

Try this.

• Sit down comfortably in a chair alone for a few minutes (make the time, you’re worth it)
• Close your eyes and breathe deeply
• Focus on the place in your body where the feeling is the strongest: chest, diaphragm, pelvic area, etc.
• Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
• Feel. Feel. Feel.

It’s as simple as it reads, I promise.

The beauty of this exercise is that you can actually feel the power of your focus transform the emotion you’re feeling in a brief time. I now do this regularly when I am experiencing stress, or feeling a lot of emotions that are on the verge of disabling my regular superpower ability to function.

Once I’ve done the exercise, I feel more able to create and enjoy stillness.

Unless you are a longtime practitioner of meditation, and even then, it is extremely difficult to get past a suppressed feeling that is threatening your body and mind’s well being.

Now, instead of reading the millions of articles on meditation I am able to practice it daily.

Sandi, without knowing it, has made it so much easier for me. Beyond that, she has given me a way to deal with overwhelming emotions and turn them into a platform for reflection, peacefulness, and a clear mind and body.

And I bet if the swami read this, he’d be laughing, nodding, and thinking ‘I told you so’.

Coach’s Note:

Often, people start a meditation practice committing to too much time. I did this myself when I began years ago. My meditation teacher back then invited me to do 5 minutes a day.

I scoffed, but it worked.

Try it this week. Just 5 minutes every day. My guess is you’ll surprise yourself just as Elana did!

If you’re in need of structure to take this (and other self-care practices) on, download the 66 day self-care challenge workbook  and leave a comment below. 

Imagine your mind, body and spirit after 66 days of self-care and self-love. 

The Vagabondage Series:  The self-care focus continues with Elana Baxter’s surrender to a cliché.

I hate clichés. A long time ago, in my old self’s skin, I hung out with this guy who often said, “you know why they call it a cliché don’t you?” I would pause, holding my breath just long enough to sustain a facade of faint interest. Of course I knew why they called something a cliché.

And then he’d tell me, “it’s because it’s true, that’s why, that’s why they call it a cliché”. He enunciated each word with extra effort, emphasizing his certainty.

I never believed his definition of cliché. I knew that I was right. And he was wrong.

I also knew that he’d never bother to find out the actual definition of cliché.  He was content with his own definition.

Our own definitions of things are, well, kind of a big deal.

After all, they form the foundation for our thoughts. Most folk call the things we define, hold true, and pay attention to beliefs. And then there’s action, which comes from the thoughts that our beliefs generate. Sometimes, but not always (I’ll explain in a minute).

Last week, I believed that I may never have a day in my life where food, weight, and the control of both weren’t some necessary form of self-torture.

I believed that no matter what I did, it wouldn’t work. I tried everything: diet, exercise, books on the former, calorie-counting, intuitive eating, not exercising, sleeping more, meditation etc. ad infinitum. I have always struggled with this stuff.

Always = my whole life.

Finally, I confessed to Sandi that especially lately, it was all this energy I was expending thinking about food, exercise, and my body that was really distracting me from loving and caring for my self.

She asked me a question.

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The Vagabondage Series:  The self-care focus continues with Elana Baxter’s formula for R&R.

Here I am, sitting at the keyboard, exhausted, spent and in serious need of a complete break. Here I am, writing for a coaching blog feeling like I should be singing ‘I’m Every Woman’ and talking about how I have it altogether, instead of admitting to a cast of many that I am truly, madly and deeply tired.

But since integrity and honesty are at the top of my list of values, I’m going to work that muscle and level with you:

I am overwhelmed and drained.

Have I forgotten what I said about letting go in last week’s post? No! I have let go, really! But, I had some loose ends to tie up and they are tying up right around my neck!

So, in honour of the theme of self-care this month, I’m sharing my plans to leave town and love myself.

That’s right. In support of my mental health, my physical well-being and inner peace, I am checking out of here.

The beauty of this vacation I’m taking is that it isn’t going to cost me much at all. The only thing I have to do is say yes to some things and no to a few others. You too can do this if you decide to, because I’m going to give you the formula right now.

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The Vagabondage Series:  The self-care focus continues with Elana Baxter’s perspective and insight.

The leaves have drifted to make their new home on the ground. The air is no longer mild, instead it is brisk and chills the skin on the updrafts of the wind.

It’s fall, that much is clear as Thanksgiving comes and goes and Halloween approaches. And with fall comes one of the busiest times of the year, topped only by the number one contender, Christmas, which is only a couple of months away. This time of year is pretty predictable: back to school flurry, cooler weather and warmer clothing, holidays, planning, etc.

And then I blink, it’s Christmas and I’m in a New Year.

But in between that time, there’s a lot more happening. Colder weather, more activity, and fresh germs yield unwelcome bouts of flu, colds, and other vague bugs and illnesses. Holidays? An (over)abundance of food, visitors and company, and late nights all add up to a crazy combination that is more conducive to not taking the time for ourselves when we need it more than ever.

So I’ve gone back to the early days of my coaching sessions with Sandi for an answer, something that really works, and I got it. As answers go, it’s deceptively simple sounding but not always simple to execute. Until, of course, you make a choice to do it. Ready?

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The Vagabondage Series:  Wherein Elana Baxter shares her thoughts on coaching.

There have recently been some online conversations that have brought the practice of coaching under fire. Most of the coaching catching the brunt of criticism falls under the internet marketing/online entrepreneur type; and as anyone who is a coach or has ever hired a great coach knows, it is nothing remotely related to what I’m referring to as life coaching.

So, what is life coaching?

And why is it being criticized and ridiculed?

Four letters: S-C-U-M. There’s a lot of the stuff floating around on the web. Sadly, one of the most widely adopted titles around the net is – you guessed it – coaching.

Need help building your online business? Hire “Joe” to ‘coach’ you for just $397!

Look Ma, I made a website and told people I can help them –  and they’re even gonna pay me – therefore I am a ‘coach’!

The word coach has been twisted and turned and sadly diluted.

Real people with real lives get ripped off by so-called ‘coaches’ everyday. I am not defending them. In fact, I’m not even defending life coaches, even though my experience with one in particular has been incredibly positive.

I’m writing this in an attempt to illustrate what a life coach, specifically Sandi, has done for me. And I do this knowing that there are legions of people out there that will continue to believe that anyone labelled a coach is a pilfering no-good putz bilking people for every cent they own, and that I am, in fact, a blithering idiot.

But here’s what I’ve learned. . .

What a life coach is not:

- someone selling you pie-in-the-sky notions under the guise of ‘coaching’ guidance, e.g. you can make money online doing almost nothing once you buy this $2300 e-course and all your dreams will come true etc.

- a ‘paid friend’ who just wants to chat with you and have a few laughs. Yes, that may at some point become part of the experience, but it is *not* the service you’re paying for.

- a licensed psychotherapist; magic eight ball; the answer to all of your prayers (okay, maybe some); a voodoo witch doctor who will make you rich

- a replacement for real friends*

- perfect and superhuman

*Real friends often don’t know how to help us; they often don’t call us out on our BS because they don’t want to hurt us. Real friends don’t have training in communication/listening, self-awareness; mind-body-spirit connection, career exploration, NLP and more. And they are simply not objective enough to help us even when they want to with all their sweet hearts!

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The Vagabondage Series:  Elana Baxter is feeling good and asking for more!

Remember last week, when I talked about being a magnet and taking every bit of help, kindness and thanks offered to me? Savouring it, basking in it even?

I am continuing on that theme because it feels really good to cultivate an awareness that there are good things and good people around.

Is there bad stuff? You bet. Tons of it. But it’s the good stuff I want more of.

Don’t you? You know the saying “what you focus on expands?”

Dealing with stuff that isn’t wall to wall fun is part of life. But dreaming about the stuff that is that kind of fun is spectacularly fulfilling! And, over the top inspiring is also part of life.

So when Sandi coached me to start asking for more of that good stuff, I said I’d give it a try.

Because good stuff has been happening!

New career opportunities, more quality time with people I care about, taking care of myself, letting go of unnecessary burdens (who said I *have* to have a clean house seven days a week?) and many other simple pleasures.

But. . .when good things start happening something really big rises to the surface.

It’s called fear.

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